That Moment

You know the moment when you realize you're not a child anymore? As a teenager you say it a lot to you're parents... "I'm not a child! Stop treating me like one!" And then you move out of the house and go through a crisis. Mine happened at the laundromat when I realized I had no idea how to do laundry. This was made evident by my white washcloths that had turned green from the lime green towels in the same load. You realize in that moment that you're not ready for life. You can barely do you're own laundry without dying things lime green, how are you ever going to walk out of the apartment you now call home and embark on the rest of your life?! But how refreshing it is to know that lime green washcloths don't last forever!

Yesterday I was sitting in my Human Development lecture - the last lecture of the year for me. I was thinking of my life and where I'm headed right now. I assessed my goals and trajectories for each. And for the first time ever I can say I'm not a child anymore and truly believe it. And in that moment of belief, I saw a world of opportunity around me that I've never seen before. How amazing it is to know that I make my own choices and reap the consequences. How humbling it is to realize that I hold myself accountable for my own actions. How wonderful it is to find that I am in control of my life.

These moments of clarity come at the times I need them most. Lately I've been really struggling with staying calm, really. I get worried about everything and anything I cannot control. I panic when I don't know how things will work out. I become frazzled when I feel as though everything is caving in around me. But then again... who doesn't? But I'm so grateful that I know brighter days are ahead. They may not come for days... they may not come for years... but they will come. I have faith that God is in control of my life when I am not. And no matter what happens, I know that I am strong enough to handle life's challenges. This is quite interesting to finally realize. But it could not have come at a more crucial time.