Find Me

"Find Me" By Hilary Weeks
I tuck the pain away...
So deep, that no one else could see it.
I guess I believe if I buried it, I wouldn't have to feel it.
I tried to run...
I tried to hide...
But the shadows seemed to follow me.


Lord, would you please...
Find me...
In my hidden places.
Come find me...
Even where the shadows hide.
Strike a match, bring a torch.
Illuminate this deep divide and find me...


I tried a hundred times,
to find my way out of the darkness.
But every road I took was leading me right back where I started.
A place too deep...
Somewhere too far...
I'm in desperate need of rescuing.


Lord, would you please...
Find me...

In my hidden places.
Come find me...
Even where the shadows hide.
Strike a match, bring a torch.
Illuminate this deep divide and find me...



Lord, would you please...
Find me...

In my hidden places.
Come find me...
Even where the shadows hide.
Strike a match, bring a torch.
Illuminate this deep divide and find me...


Today was a harder day than most. I listened to this song by Hilary Weeks and I felt as if my soul was singing with hers. I realized today that sometimes our trials seem to last forever. Sometimes I just want to plead the Lord for a break. But after thinking this through, I realized that we don't always have all the answers. We don't always know what the best way is. And God, being the merciful Lord He is, allows us to hurt and feel pain that we may be made stronger. Does this knowledge make our trials any easier? No. It doesn't. But it makes it easier to bare.

I've never allowed myself to be vulnerable on my blog before. But for some reason, I feel like sharing a very vulnerable piece of my heart. I try very hard to stay light-hearted. I try to keep up a good sense of humor when times are hard. But the truth is, I get sad and hurt just like anyone else. I think the biggest cross I've been called to bare in this life is loneliness. At times it grips my heart and despair overshadows my hope of a brighter future. Struggling through life's unavoidable disappointments, I cling to the faith that God has not forsaken me. I've learned truly, that in my darkest moments... when I feel that I'm too far gone for God to hear me, I remember that though I may stray from Him, He is never too far from me. And in turning back to Him, He invites me in to His outstretched hand, asking me to put my trust in Him. A leap of faith, a surrender of my stubborn will, the courage to walk ahead, even when I cannot see the way - these are His conditions. This is what He asks. And when I remember to be strong, when I remember that I am His daughter... I can feel the loneliness lift, for however brief... for however long... it lifts enough for me to breathe another day. And in this relief, I am reminded that God does grant us mercies. I pray that each of us will come to the knowledge that in our deepest darkness, Christ will give us light.

The Bachelorette is Back!

The Bachelorette is back! Check out my new page for this summer's season of Emily's whirl wind romance. I know so many people hate this show, I used to be one of them. But I finally succumbed last year to the Bachelorette's journey to find true love. Why do I like the Bachelorette so much? I think the more important question is, why do I like love stories so much?! That's what the Bachelorette is! A whirl wind love story. Sure, it may not be traditional, it's filled with drama, it's definitely a modern approach to love... but it's exciting and fun and every season I'm reminded that following your heart is the only way to navigate through the obstacles love throws in our way. Happy Husband-Hunting, Emily!

Can't wait for next week! 

A Stroke of Luck

Ladies and Gentlemen, I believe we have a winner. After a couple grueling years of awkward dates, failed attempts and embarrassing moments... I am going on a second date. His name is Josh. I cannot wait to go out again! We'll see if my stroke of luck proves to be a winning streak :).

Other than that, things are going great in El Mirage. I love spending time with my grandparents and laughing with my cousins about Richard Babcock. I'm enjoying the heat and love the palm trees! I haven't been able to enjoy a good sunset yet, but maybe there's a good one coming this week. My sisters should be here in a couple of weeks to spend some time here as well! Although I know that there are life-stressors that I cannot shake, I'm feeling calm and continuing in the knowledge that all things will work out in the end.

I'd say this summer is a season of luck, a changing tide, a chance to escape and enjoy some of life's happiness I've seemed to forgotten.

 Me and Cousin Melissa

Karma

I'm thinking that I'm working some seriously good karma in my freshly painted lavender toes here. I am actually going on two dates this week. I know, right?! That is more than I had all last semester... pathetic. I know. Don't judge me.

My cousin and I are going shopping for a killer date outfit in a few days. Can't wait! I'm thinking neutral colors (don't want to be overbearing), skinny ankle jeans with a creamy flowy tunic, printed flats and a bold colored clutch. ... But I'm open to trying something slightly bolder... We shall see :).

The following clip best describes my emotions at this exact moment:

The Social Network

                               

My thoughts on social networking are complicated. I don't like social networking. I don't really know why. I think a lot of it stems from not wanting to give in to mass conformity simply because "everyone else is doing it". However, I don't want to get left behind in today's world of fast paced technology. At the same time though... I feel as though social networking is pointless. It's a large waste of time and though it's nice to get in contact with random people you haven't seen or talked to since elementary school... I'm just not sure I'm willing to give in just yet.

I posted a poll for the past few weeks asking people that read my blog if I should join Twitter or not. (The poll proved successful... not). I think for now I'll shy away from urges to tweet :). Call me old fashioned, traditional, out of touch with technology... whatever. I enjoy freedom from conformity.